expect the best, accept the worst

It is critical for me to remember the following things in order to maintain my sanity:

1) Mom and Dad will always be the only ones to always be there.

2) Aside from Mom and Dad, dogs are the only creatures to be trusted. Ever.

3) Sleep as much as possible, no responsibilities should take precedent over sleeping.

4) Emotional distance is the key ingredient to any relationship. 

5) Eat a lot; Mom, Dad, and dogs will still love you when you are a repugnant cow.

6) Never get married for any reasons other than financial.

7) Never have children; all they will do is resent you for it. Plus, children are sticky and nauseating. 

Merry Christmas, I'm broke.