we're just waiting, waiting to begin.

my new apartment is comfortable. i made it a real home. i love it here, i love my roommates i love my foster dog. 

i can't be at home without my mom and dad. i can't be at home without my izzy and bruno. i can't be at home. 

i miss my mom so fucking much - i'm a schmuck.

woof

on saturday i accomplished something that i am very proud of.  i worked on the idea for over a year, and finally pulled it together with a lot of help.  the CUT THE BULL benefit show at the landing zone raised $1200 that will be put towards the spay/neuter of pit bulls.

people read (and hopefully learned) a bit about pits, spay and neuter, rescues, ferals and adoptable animals. people met a few dogs. people ate food. people moshed. overa

ll, i really could not have asked for more. combining a cause that i love, the music i love, the friends and family i love and the co workers that i love was a very overwhelming bliss. 

we're gonna make a difference and it's going to rule. support us or be deemed soul-less. 

i'm not worried about sounding eloquent or witty, only psyched. i hope i accurately portrayed that in this blog post.

buh.

for the past few months i have had the same routine every night. i watch other people (or my dogs) fall asleep, then i stay awake for hours and hours. i usually chain smoke, watch tv, drive myself crazy on the internet, drink and cry. i don't cry because i am secretly sad about my life or anything, i just start crying out of desperation.

all day i want to sleep. at any point between the hours of 9am and 8pm i could pass out and never wake up again, but once it is actually an acceptable time to shut my eyes i get an aggressive second wind. i hate this. thank god the japanese love making escape the room games, because if i every ran out of new ones my life would end as soon as paid programming started up on lifetime after the 2 hour golden girls block.

if i were a golden girl i would be dorothy; cynical, sarcastic and living with my italian mother.

first post of the new year

i am happy. very happy.