we're just waiting, waiting to begin.

my new apartment is comfortable. i made it a real home. i love it here, i love my roommates i love my foster dog. 

i can't be at home without my mom and dad. i can't be at home without my izzy and bruno. i can't be at home. 

i miss my mom so fucking much - i'm a schmuck.

woof

on saturday i accomplished something that i am very proud of.  i worked on the idea for over a year, and finally pulled it together with a lot of help.  the CUT THE BULL benefit show at the landing zone raised $1200 that will be put towards the spay/neuter of pit bulls.

people read (and hopefully learned) a bit about pits, spay and neuter, rescues, ferals and adoptable animals. people met a few dogs. people ate food. people moshed. overa

ll, i really could not have asked for more. combining a cause that i love, the music i love, the friends and family i love and the co workers that i love was a very overwhelming bliss. 

we're gonna make a difference and it's going to rule. support us or be deemed soul-less. 

i'm not worried about sounding eloquent or witty, only psyched. i hope i accurately portrayed that in this blog post.

buh.

for the past few months i have had the same routine every night. i watch other people (or my dogs) fall asleep, then i stay awake for hours and hours. i usually chain smoke, watch tv, drive myself crazy on the internet, drink and cry. i don't cry because i am secretly sad about my life or anything, i just start crying out of desperation.

all day i want to sleep. at any point between the hours of 9am and 8pm i could pass out and never wake up again, but once it is actually an acceptable time to shut my eyes i get an aggressive second wind. i hate this. thank god the japanese love making escape the room games, because if i every ran out of new ones my life would end as soon as paid programming started up on lifetime after the 2 hour golden girls block.

if i were a golden girl i would be dorothy; cynical, sarcastic and living with my italian mother.

first post of the new year

i am happy. very happy.

expect the best, accept the worst

It is critical for me to remember the following things in order to maintain my sanity:

1) Mom and Dad will always be the only ones to always be there.

2) Aside from Mom and Dad, dogs are the only creatures to be trusted. Ever.

3) Sleep as much as possible, no responsibilities should take precedent over sleeping.

4) Emotional distance is the key ingredient to any relationship. 

5) Eat a lot; Mom, Dad, and dogs will still love you when you are a repugnant cow.

6) Never get married for any reasons other than financial.

7) Never have children; all they will do is resent you for it. Plus, children are sticky and nauseating. 

Merry Christmas, I'm broke.

oh good

Hello 3 in the morning! It is so good to see you again, you know, being in bed with a farting bullmastiff and wearing sweatpants really isn't the same without you!  

I am now faced with three options: 

1) watch TV

2) rip pages out of my clinical textbook for veterinary technicians

3) play zelda

The only reason I have not already jumped to #3 is because I don't really feel like watching the opening cut-scenes of Ocarina of Time all over again.  I think the 754th time might be a little tired. I hate myself for thinking that.

I get to see Chi Chi tomorrow!

firethroat

it is 6 in the morning and i don't have work until 1.  there is a small mentally handicapped, deaf, cross-eyed kitten running around my room, his name is windsor.  i am agonizing over the dumbest shit that i have absolutely no control over because i've got nothing better to think/care about.  i realize that whenever i am feeling even a little bit shitty, i take every measure possible to make sure i sink deeper and deeper into a wah baby self-pitty party. that's what i'm up to, blogging seems so suitable.  

dear everything: quit it.